ARE YOU A WORRY WART?

In every family there is a worrier. Today’s words are intended to be a help and a blessing to that person. But, in some families there may also be a ‘condemner’ who would tend to condemn the one who worries.

The condemner may want to use my words to straighten the other person out or to put them down. That’s okay, because I’ve got their number also. Maybe my next article will be on the ‘Corrosive Effect of Condemnation" and then someone else can throw my words back at them. But, I say - "Ahhh, why all the foolishness?"

We all have our own set of weaknesses. It’s O.K. to want to help someone else out of the ditch, but maybe we ought to climb out of our own deep pit first. There’s a little blindness in every one of us. We tend to be blind to our own faults while attempting to correct everyone else. But, if you can pass these words on to a worrier without making them feel condemned, go for it.

Like any other problem in life, worry can be mastered and overcome. Like most habits, it cannot be overcome easily or quickly. By the time worry has become a noticeable problem, it is too late. It is no longer a problem, but an addiction.

If someone slips this into the bathroom along with your favorite reading material, it means they are concerned. But, most of them will not know that you can’t stop worrying. No matter how much they beg, plead or condemn you for your habit, you just naturally go back to it again and again and again.

Hey! It’s okay. You don’t have to be defensive. This is not an attack. It’s an attempt to reach out to you. It’s our way of caring. Maybe we can alleviate your distress in some way. At least a little bit. Even if we can’t cure you of excessive worry, maybe we can give you some tips on how to control it a little better.

How to Worry Yourself Sick!

Have you ever seen an animal that has stomach worms? Something terrible is going on inside of them. Those worms are eating up the nutritious food that should have been used to make the animal healthy. Well, the Old English word for worry is, "Wirwen". The base portion of that word means ‘to twist’ like a worm.

Problems are meant to be solved. Creative people turn the problem over and over, looking at it first ‘this way and then that way’ , trying to come up with a solution. The creative processes are healthy reactions to life. Creative worrying often produces good results and many are blessed because of the outcome.

But, negative worry is a ‘nervous twisting’ born out of fear and fretting. It does not come from a calm spirit and a confident attitude. It gets bogged down in a ‘wheel spinning’ rehashing of how bad a problem is and terrible it can become. In fact, that kind of mental activity often eats the ‘ry’ off the end of worry and replaces it with ‘se’ - thus making matters wor-se! The unreasonable ‘dread of tomorrow’ tends to force wrong decisions and thus create negative results. Yes, worrying can make matters worse.

In 1973, I was lying in bed at the Santa Rosa Hospital in San Antonio, Texas. The next morning, the doctors were going to saw my chest open and do open heart surgery. A lady visitor saw me being relaxed, cheerful and joking. A troubled look came over her face and she asked, "Aren’t you afraid?" I looked at her and exclaimed, "Afraid? Afraid? Why should I be afraid? Why should I hurt myself today because of some pain that I might endure tomorrow? Fearful thinking is painful thinking. Why should I hurt myself ahead of time? If I must hurt, at least let me wait until it’s time to hurt!"

That answer just popped out of my mouth. I had never said such a thing in all my life. But, it was so true that I have repeated it to many people over the years.

Sure, we can look ahead and plan for tomorrow. I am a planner! If I see a possible calamity ahead, the problem solving processes kick into action. If a car ahead of me slams on his brakes, do I step on the gas and ‘punish him for his actions’? Do I slam on my own brakes and let the guy behind me ‘destroy the back end of my car’? Do I turn into the oncoming traffic and ‘have a deadly head-on collision’? Do I go off the road and take my chances with the off-road terrain? We have to analyze problems every day, whether in split-second thinking or in prolonged meditations.

Everyone goes through such thinking processes, but, ‘the twister’ is the one who suffers the most.

The ‘twister’ is the one who cannot make up his mind. I’ve seen him on the highway many times, in the form of a cute squirrel. The squirrel starts to run across the road to get away from the oncoming car. But, the car is coming faster than he anticipated, so, he stops in the middle of the road, turns around and runs back. He could have made it to safety if he hadn’t turned around and he still could have lived if he had stuck with his first reaction. But no, he has to get so scared and confused that he turns around again and heads back toward his first destination. In the meantime, all that hesitation and indecision has placed him smack dab in front of the car he is trying to get away from. "Crunch!" Another squirrel bites the dust.

I’m telling you, I have seen hundreds of squirrels do this exact same thing. It must be a scientific quirk that is built into them.

Another form of ‘twister’ is the dainty lady who sits nervously twisting a hanky around her finger and then untwisting it and twisting it back again and again. This same nervousness causes her to worry her husband with constant words of agitation. Unchecked and uncontrolled this kind of fearful worrying is detrimental to the human mind and body. It annoys and troubles others, thus creating relationship problems on top of everything else. Yes, worry can make matters worse instead of better. Put those two words together in your vocabulary.

If medical scientists were to conduct some experiments, I believe they would find out that ‘chronic worriers’ often die before their time. Why? Well, like the poor senseless squirrel, their worry patterns are often ‘the direct cause’ of negative results.

A billionaire once suffered tremendous financial set-backs. One of his companies was forced to go out of business. A couple ‘others’ were in trouble. The man sat up nights worrying and worrying about this sudden reversal of circumstances. One morning he woke up dead. He didn’t actually wake up. He was dead. He had killed himself. Why? He still had several prosperous companies. He was still worth multiplied millions. The negative aspects of his worry habits had brought him to the wrong conclusion ‘that life was no longer worth living’.

I know, this is a radical illustration. But, millions of people make small ‘bad decisions’ every day as a result of their worries which have a negative twist to them. They may not kill themselves, but they refuse to apply for the job they are afraid of not getting. They turn down an opportunity that they are afraid will turn out sour. They often kill their chances to succeed by giving place to the ‘fear’ aspect of worry.

A positive person can ‘worry constructively’ and come up with good decisions and good results. They too, twist the problem over in their minds and yet dare to challenge life by taking a few risks. The man who takes a risk often hits the jackpot of fortune. But, even if that risk turns sour, he picks himself up off the pavement, treats his wounds and goes back to courageously facing life as it is - with a renewed determination to try again.

The worrier sees a possible negative effect of a decision and keeps saying, ‘What if...?’ The positive mind sees the same possible consequences and says, "So what!" If they repossess my car, so what? I was born without rubber wheels and ‘intake manifolds‘. I can walk to work. I can catch a ride for a while. I can do without until I find another way to get what I need.

Fear of adversity lends strength to our worries. But, if we decide to take what comes and make the most of it, we rob worry of it’s strength.

Fear of death and the uncertainty of the unknown can paralyze our minds and make us ever increasingly fearful. Why? Because, the older we get the more certain death becomes. We all know we are going to die. So why worry about it? Why not just ‘do’ something about it. Make a decision to ‘prepare’ for whatever might be on the other side. But, worry without a clear cut decision will never prepare you for the inevitable. You will be like the ‘undecided squirrel’ who is torn between one side and the other side so much that he can’t make a choice. He ends up not making it to either side. Fear of death, keeps you from being happy in this life and takes away your hopes of being happy in the next - unless you resolve that fear once and for all - in one way or another.

The basic secret of overcoming worry is to ‘face your fears’ and go one of two ways. Indecision is not a solution. Accept the inevitable or do something to avert it. If you don’t know how to avert that which you fear or dislike - lay out all your choices and dare to boldly choose one course of action or the other. But, just don’t stay in the middle - going back and forth forever. Such indecision merely twists your mind in knots. We all know that a rope or string that is full of knots is unusable for immediate use in new situations. Life will continue to throw us curves and new difficulties. We can’t afford to sit around forever worrying about today’s problem or yesterday’s upset. We have to get ready for the next pitch, the next problem and the one after that.

Quit stewing over ‘the sticker’ in your foot when a mountain lion is coming down the trail. Most worries have to do with the trivial details of life - details that aren’t worth worrying about. They take up valuable time. They are distractions which siphon off productive energy. They are annoyances which ruin our concentration concerning that which is important and vital.

A woman who worries about her hair keeps looking in the rearview mirror to smooth down the unruly strands. She fails to see the brake lights of the car ahead and rear-ends the poor guy, making it impossible for her to arrive at work totally composed and looking good.

Little worries take away from our daily peace. When you feel the distress of such anxiety, interrupt the process with a calming phrase or question that you’ve picked out ahead of time for just such a purpose.

The religious person could pick a scripture which comforts them, such as, "Fear not, for I am with you. Be not afraid, for I am your God!" or "Don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and earnest petition, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God." In other words, "Quit worrying. Just ask for what you want and thank God for the blessings you have already received."

A non-religious person could ask, "Is this life-threatening? Is it illegal or fattening? Then WHY worry about it."

initiate the new"

The real secret to stopping any addictive pattern of thinking is to take a planned detour into another and better pattern of thinking. The mind can never stop thinking, but it can be RE-directed. Don’t ever try to ‘merely stop’ the thoughts that you don’t like. Replace them with better thoughts.

Thoughts are like kids, they can be distracted. Don’t try to resist an urge to eat. Just get up and go outside and begin thinking about the beauty of the day, or zero in on your favorite project. The urge will soon go away.

I’ve walked through the grocery store listening to the irritating wail of a crying kid. Looking the other way, I let loose with some barking noises. The crying stops immediately. I know he will start in again soon, so I wait just long enough and then make a few more yelps. The kid is looking everywhere for the puppy he thinks he hears. I go over to the next aisle and do it again. The mother is usually amused and maybe even a little bit grateful. She kept telling him to quit crying and I merely distracted him. It works!

Experiment with your own variety of personal distractions from worry. If it works temporarily, then learn to make a habit of such relief. Let the solution become just as addictive as the worry habit was. Eventually, you will have mastered the art of ‘overcoming worry’ by simply turning your mind toward a series of ‘faith thoughts’, ‘confidence thoughts’, ‘serenity thoughts’ and so forth. Will this stuff work?