Tell a man there are a billion stars and he'll believe you.
Tell him a bench has "wet paint" and he has to touch it.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes,
why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleslady "where is the self-help section?"
and she said,  "If I told you, that would defeat the purpose."

Did you hear the one about the cabbage, the faucet and the tomato?
The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running and the
tomato was trying to ketchup.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

The only thing good about being imperfect is the joy it brings others.

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.

A smile can add a great deal to one's face value. But what is a smile? A smile is a curve that sets things straight.  It takes 72 muscles to frown and only 14 to smile.   Smiles are wrinkles that shouldn't be removed.  A smile is a window in a happy heart to show that someone is at home.

It's always the second mouse that gets the cheese.